Great cardio. Terrible for relationships.
I told my trainer I wanted to “maintain lateral quickness.”
What I really meant was:
I need to sidestep every question that starts with
“Why did you call that?”
Summer’s for healing.
And for hitting the elliptical until I’m fast enough
to outrun your film breakdowns.
Off-season goals:
- Improved stamina
- Short-term memory
- And one elite pivot when the group chat gets heated
Whistle Diaries: Right. Every. Time. 
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