They said it was “orientation.” They lied.
It’s 5:00 a.m. I’m standing in a high school parking lot, wearing brand-new stripes that still have the creases in them, next to 14 other rookies who look like they accidentally signed up for jury duty.
The veterans? Already there. Already scowling. Already sipping coffee like it’s game-winning Gatorade.
The head ref checks his clipboard, blows a whistle so loud it rattles my fillings, and yells, “WELCOME TO DAY ONE. HOPE YOU LIKE PAIN.”
One guy in the back drops his flag. Rookie mistake.
Absurd Drill #1: Flag Toss for Distance & Accuracy
They line us up like track athletes… except instead of batons, we’re holding penalty flags. The goal? Land it on a specific cone 40 yards away, like we’re competing in the Flag Olympics.
Mine? Lands somewhere near the baseball dugout. The veterans laugh. I swear one of them writes it down for future mockery.
Top score of the day was 38 yards with a perfect spiral. I’m convinced that guy used to quarterback for the Navy.
Absurd Drill #2: Whistle Endurance Test
Imagine blowing your whistle non-stop while jogging in place for five minutes. Now imagine doing it with a 200-pound man yelling “LOUDER!” an inch from your face.
At minute three, I’m questioning my life choices. At minute five, I’m convinced I’ve permanently lost the ability to taste food.
One rookie passes out. Nobody stops the timer.
Absurd Drill #3: Rapid-Fire Judgment Calls
The veterans wheel out a TV cart and start blasting grainy game footage at lightning speed. Our job: make 10 calls in 30 seconds while a sound system pumps in fake crowd noise and insults like, “OPEN YOUR EYES, REF!”
I call a charge on what was clearly a soccer clip. The head ref smiles. I don’t know if that’s good or terrifying.
Closing Beat: Welcome to the Stripes
By the end, I’m drenched in sweat, my voice is gone, and my whistle feels like it’s fused to my lips.
The head ref walks over, slaps me on the shoulder, and says, “Not bad, rookie. You only embarrassed yourself six times.”
I take it as a win.
If you enjoyed this, check out The Worst Ref in the Game (a.k.a. My Nemesis) for another day in the life of a ref barely holding it together.
Whistle Diaries: Right. Every. Time. 
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